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Unfinished Thoughts - 01 September 2017

Thought it would be a good time to begin sharing some thoughts, the atmosphere in the world seems

to be in this state of transition, as it always is.

That has prompted me over the last few years to take a more serious look within, and ask some bigger

question about human nature and our potential.

This inquiry has taken me on a journey much continued and continuing studying, writing and thinking.

At the moment I seem to of found this new ground to stand upon

As a result of the studying, my mental capacities seemed to of expanded and has had tremendous

positive affects on my creative output, particularly my piano playing, i feel much free-er on the

instrument.

As I am developing this new language for myself to interpret, engage and live more fully in the world,

i thought it would be a good time to begin to share my thoughts and my progress on this journey.

It could also provide a verbal narrative to the creative output i am planning to publish over the next
year,

also a way for me fumble around in the unknown, to aid the unborn idea's that are assimilating in my unconscious.

Something like watering the fertile ground as we go from low res to a higher resolution of the material

Look forward to sharing and receiving some feedback too

Peace

Thomas xx

September 5th 2017

Memories of Erasing Memories pt 1.

On the subject of the video series on my page here

it took me a while to arrive at creating them and to have the certainty in them to commit to the idea.

I came across the idea by mistake close to two years ago and couldn't really let it go,

Over time they began to make more and more sense, the idea which had formulated in my

unconscious as and what it wanted of me.

It began with the question of phones, social media and how to use them wisely?

It was evident there was much misuse and there were little guidelines,

Hence the results where that technology was being used badly, resulting in much complusive use and

neurotic simply painful behaviour to witness. And it seemed the question of good use, remained unknown

the video series was my attempt to explore this question.

One of the initial questions I had was the use of the material we capture and we seem to collect,

Once the picture had been taken, the moment had passed, of what use could the picture be?

Particularly if there are thousands of them

My experience was that I loved all the photo's and video's I had taken and i loved the memories,

many of the photo's, idea's were attached to moments which had unique and special qualities as all

moments do.

At a certain point I began to set intentions with the pictures i was taking all on my phone,

that I would use parts of the images for sampling or video collage. Once again complicating the

perception system.

My creative framework would seem to be one of a 'sampler', somebody who's brain saw a part of

something and wanted to isolate it,

to fragment it from its whole and apply this part to another part of something else. A collage style of

thinking

If being creative is a habit, or something that you do over a number of years week in week out,

I'm certain that it changes way neural pathways arrange themselves in your brain,

perhaps to having a more dominant creative problem solving capacity, hence changing the way you

experience reality itself and your relationship with reality.

For me I have experienced this in a variety of ways, when faced with normal day to day problems, i

can

over complicate them just so i can find a creative solution to my overcomplicating.

These are problematic aspects of being an creative artist to which I have uprooted the reasoning.

The was also a reason I would rarely participate in social media, because somehow i had a sensed the

underlying motivations to my engagement within it, and that i hadn't full understood my personal

motivations.

I was still unaware of the dangers lurking in my own unconscious yet I was aware the unknown dangers

existed

My greatest concern was that if there was some kind of split in my personality or in myself

that social media would work at its best to deepen, strengthen and reinforce this split

Anyway i started making these videos in October 2016, although i had spent a year prior to this

thinking about it, conceptualising and taking thousands of videos and picture all with intentions to use them

in my wacko psuedo reality.

It began in Prague, I spent a week there and had some good alone time in coffee shops and

restaurants and was able to attend to some things which required me to have a good perspective on things,

I downloaded final cut pro and began to ready myself and my computer for the making of film.

I made my first one of the plane on the return journey home, it was a video of myself walking down

the street in prague whilst recording myself on my laptop whilst charging my phone,

with other phone taken imagery layered on top.

I showed it to my friends on my return and they seemed to like it.

I took this as a success and the beginning of this new creative adventure

The project seemed to represent some recurring questions, circulating a handful of subjects, namely;

- The 'Selfie' Phenomena

As this was a by-products of this culture I am in and the only one I can be in

- The project portrayed an over stimulated of reality, a portrait from my interpretation of the world

- The layering of events, images and memories. This multi-dimensional space.

And how these images, symbols, events and memories all intertwined within us

My initial question, about a trivial matter such as picture storage lead me quite quickly to the bigger

questions of the human experience, which I'm currently having lots of fun with!

Until next time xxx

11th September 2017

Memories of Erasing Memories part 2

Next time has become next time already! So soon, good to be back here in this safe

tomb/room/womb

So to continue from the previous stream of thoughts

On the subject of the video series on my page

So i described how the idea came about and what it initially revealed in the form of unanswered

questions

It took me a while to build up certainty in the idea and courage to actually formulate and go with it

I felt it was too strange and it would be make no sense to anyone even parts of myself

I ultimately cared too much what other people thought

Over actually taking the pathway that seemed to present itself to me

After since beginning to formulate it and develop the idea's further

I found that it benefitted my thinking, the way i put music together

It was if I was trying to expand and build a bigger map of reality

Or how i perceived reality

To be able to visually represent the way I saw or felt how we actually worked as humans

How complicate we are, and how we seemed to be comprised of sub compartments

Or sub personalities

And how these personalities could conflict, entangle or harmonise

To either bring about greater chaos or greater order

I wanted to represent how we actually existed, somewhere in-between the past memories

The present moment and our future projections and how the totality of these

Surmounted as a whole self

and how the quality of this whole self depended on the state and interdependance of these

Sub entities that exist within each human being

It took me a while to collect all the material i had photographed and filmed

Some of the moments seemed 'brighter' that other and i had to siv through them which was tedious work

Once i had done this and began to execute my idea's

I realised how this method I was attempting to flesh out

was a great way to explore our own individual narrative

and to represent the narrative frameworks in which we live

What do I mean by this

Imagine how many things are happening within an enviroment at one present time

there is an infinite amount of things to captivate your attention

yet our brains process our environments, and out of an infinite amount of things

We choose to focus on one things, over another

For example in a room we will focus on what is happening through the view of the window

Over the micro-biology of what lives in our carpets

Why?

For this to happen we have to make a judgement, which means we value

the view from our windows over the micro-biology of the carpet

This choice is made because of the value of use, the event which captivates our attention

'the view from the window' may be more useful to us over the carpet

This phenomenon is demonstrated with the phone photography culture and the social media

Which captivates so much of our attention at higher and higher speeds and higher and higher

bandwidths

So the things which captivate our attention in our environments become the dominant narratives in our minds

If you look back at your own, you will see recurring colours, subjects, photographic compositions

Preferences which you habitually make

We take picture after picture week after week and document our lives on social media

After a few years of doing this we have an extensive timeline of the stories of our lives

As we are authoring them

we leave these, images/memories/novelties behind us like a trail of breadcrumbs

And we follow them back we can see the dominant narratives of our lives

the framework in which we exsist

And how we are allowing them to play out

I reflect upon mine and always see my insufficiency

See the room for improvement.

And I wonder what beliefs and values am I continuing to perpetuate, through my behaviour?

and do I even believe these beliefs anymore?

Would I like to see myself continue to behave in a way which perpetuates them?

Or do I have a believe or value that is stronger that can overpower an out of date version?

Do I know them well enough to know what they are and where they came from?

Where did I learn them from? who did I learn them from? my culture? my schooling? my friends?

My family? popular belief?

Then I attempt to rigorously challenge my biases and judgements, and get really honest

What believes or value do I envision for my future self and a future generation, assuming that

my behaviour has some influence over other, perhaps younger generations as I grow

Assuming that we are interconnected by our very natures

And Assuming there is a responsibility that comes along with this interconnected nature

I think what I am basically saying is I am obsessed and possessed,

But by what and who I do not know exactly

I have inclinations, and glimpses

This points to the unknown element of my being

For which I can only project into, imagine what it could be

Fantasise about what this possession that drives my behaviour is

And that realisation terrifies me

the sense of terror is balanced well with the sense i meaning i get from doing this type of work

All is well in the world

25th September 2017

Everything Came together in my Absence

Oh yeah, back at this again, full of blood!

Yeah on reflection on the last blog post, I think the idea I was trying to articulate

Perhaps poorly, but it was an attempt was 'Qualitative Distinctions'

Which is the idea of quality in relation to experience

And how we define this ourselves, individually and through society

I think it does relate to the narrative component I was trying to tie it with

But it may be a slightly more distant than I originally thought

But going through your photographs from over the years and making collages out of them

Seems like a good idea's

Making more out of less

Seems like a good indication of creativity

But here strikes the question of excess, as we are still addressing the Technology and constant snapping

when your looking at a folder on your computer of 7000 images

It could seem like your gazing into the stars at night

Peeking into the infinite

And each picture being and holding a world of its own

And then there are all of the moments you didn't photograph

Which significantly overwhelms the moments in which you did

So thats the infinite, we exist in an infinite space

And we are continually moment to moment are redefining ourselves within a space of infinity

Where anything is possible

Its really good to know, although

the freedom to know such as thing can be completely overwhelming and unbearable for your mind

I think we do know this, we have a sense of it, that there are stories, possibilities and potentials everywhere

And it is overwhelming

Many of us numb ourselves due to this rationalisation, with drugs, alcholol etc addictions and compulsions

Its hard to know what to do with it, the frameworks of our traditions are being pulled apart constantly

As we walk on uncertain ground, which is always shifting

Through the more and more information available to us

More is questioned and left open for redefinition

Which is not necessarily a bad thing, i think its good, yet I still see the value of traditions

I see how today is a direct consequence of our traditions

I see our religious traditions as mechanisms or frameworks for grounding us within the infinite space

Aiding us to function harmoniously within it and avoid the common pitfalls of our ancestors

Ive been having a lot of fun playing with the Idea of expectations? and Parameters?

Ive been enjoying looking at the them in an objective, scientific sense

And watching them combust, how to synthesize the unexpected?

And how to materialise something expected with your behaviour

Its an Al-Chemical Approach......

I haven't derived any concrete solutions solid enough to explain but fun it has been

here's one

What do you expect from life?

Underneath the conscious thought, there is a fantasy there

An expectation

An imagining about what life should be

But it appears as if it 'should' be, yet the reality is more like 'could' be

Swimming in a pool of infinite possibilities, random has its place here

'Could' seems to imply something more 'continual' or 'fluid'

Whereas 'should' suggests something more determined and fixed,

in terms of the way it describes a vision about the future

So with this being said,

Music serves best as a fluid process or practice over a fixed product

Hence why the material reality of the music industry seem so detached from the living nature of things

Although in someways it has grown more and more combustion like, things are moving faster it seems

More and more records are coming out, more and more artists are coming and going

Yet somebody pointed out to me recently how the music, once materialised into a product

Takes on a new life, as people are able to engage with the work in a new way

Creating dialogue, multiple listens, the moments and memories that recordings can create

The Al-Chemical aspect of all of this is the words, the language used

and how through the language the reality is shaped

Language is a constructed framework which has its limitations

And i believe limitations are our biggest teachers

they give us opportunity for creative problem solving

And this human ability often looks like an expression of infinite potential

Back to the videos

my question

'How many things can you express without the use of words'

'How many things can you say'

Thats a fun game to play, which fits well with the materials i've just written out

Yeah i feel unblocked now, ready to create some more

Enjoy the material if you can make sense of it, feedback would be good,

i don't know if anyone will ever read this, I've always done these types of diaries but I've never shared them

What I've started doing is week by week, the thoughts that amount and seem to materialise

I collected them on different bits of paper, and on my phone messenger

and when i get time to sit down I will work through them and try to make them cohesive

Let me know how Im doing!

Love xxx

26th September 2017

Good morning

I had a really good time, illustrating the Infinity idea

I wanted to expand slighty

So, the body as a example, in its form and its biology

We all occupy, inhabit or exist in or through a body

So if you exercise or condition that body through fitness and training

You can achieve physical transformations of your own sculpting

And the results will come if you train

And what you find is the more you train, more you can sharpen and refine your physique

No matter what milestone you may reach

There is always another goal or another improvement you can make

It is as though peering into the infinite potential of the physical body

An this same principle or idea can be transferred across almost all domains of experience

Piano playing, Business, Art, Food and Cooking, Science

All of these domains have unexplored, unvisited territory

And its can seem as if that unexplored territory is restless to be explored

Theres two sides to this, in terms of how we perceive this phenomena

You experience it as unforfilling because no matter how much effort or sacrifice you make

There is a always a proceeding goal

I guess with this, something I have had to learn is to appreciate and be grateful for what I have got

And what I have achieved and temper the thirst for more

You can experience this phenomena as overwhelming just too many variables to swift through

Without the ability to filter or define or work through them

I too have experienced this, it is kind of a feeling of awestruckness

Which breeds a sense of paralysis, if you are open to all of it

How i dealt with this was to try to enjoy it, to learn not to judge the mistakes or the misfortunes

Too much. I am imagine myself swimming in a vast ocean exploring the unknown

Checking out the different types of fish, the coral, the large underwater animals

And trying to take it on as an adventure, knowing it would be impossible for me to not miss an opportunity

And then there is the definition......

Being able to define yourself within the vastness

I think this could be the embodiment aspect, which is expressed through sense of self or an ego

So this is where we try to present the truest version of ourself for the rest of the world to perceive us,

something definitive, subjective to a moment, which manifests itself through the infinite potential

In the world, in a moment, to other beings experiencing the same phenomena

And then also co - exsist in the same world over time, relative time which would mean inclusion of the

relevant events in the past, and the relative future

I'll stop there, interesting idea's but yeah in a bit out of my depth now

Its good to experience the infinite and it is also good to experience your limits

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